Yay, vulnerability. Yay.
I’m low. So clear the current situation w/Raf traveling does not work, for me at least. With the exception of two nights he was recently gone for four weeks. For those of you without children, I’d just like to say FOUR…WEEKS! Four! Weeks! I’d like to continue to rise to the occasion, but I can’t. Bro-ken. […]
You know you’re a parent when…
1. “a night out” means dinner out 2. you too eat buttered pasta several times a week 3. six hours is a dreamy stretch of sleep 4. your time is…forget it. you have no time. 5. the statement “it’s a whole new universe” sums it up
Returning to work
The return to work was rough, mostly because it coincided with my husband being out of town for like, two months. Sure, he was back for a week here and a few days there, but it was intense. With a five-month old and a three-year old, plus a half-assed plan for childcare, it really sucked. […]
Mommy, Get Your Gun
It was bound to be bad. The gun in the trunk. The toy gun I mean. That Star Wars-branded, two-foot-long bastard of a “blaster.” Unopened, it remained in its disintegrating Target bag since Christmas. It was a moral issue, a parenting issue, a marital issue…and just a hunk of molded plastic. But by leaving it there, […]
My task now is to follow Story’s lead: to embody the belief that it will all turn out. It’s much easier said than done. I feel the familiar anxiety when I consider going back to work, and how much time I have left before then. How can we do it? What about the next time Rafael’s gone? What about when he’s gone AND I’m working AND we have two kids? See how easy it is to go cuckoo? I know you do.
Yes, I’m waiting to go into labor. On the other side of it, I can imagine holding her. That new baby smell. I can imagine having a family of four, and it being a sweet sweet thing. I can also imagine the first few weeks and months being hard. The agony of sleep deprivation, the bitch I might become at times. In between those future events and today, there’s the reality that I’m going to have a crazy fucking physical experience in which I will open up and a tiny human being will emerge…from me!
I’m starting to see how having a baby could be not only possible, but possibly beautiful.